This is the worst year of my life
I have spent the past 5 months being sick, hating my life, loathing the people at work, and being so horrible to my husband that it wouldn't be at all surprising for him to shoot me one day.
Things are so bad now that anything at all sets me off, and I've trained my husband to be just as much of a bitch to me as I am to him. So we seem to constantly be strained with one another.
Last night I was so furious with him that I actually went to bed wishing him bad dreams and unrestful sleep. He was awful. Today I was cordial with him and that's all. And I've spent the entire morning feeling like shit even though I'm still angry with him.
And the people at work? My opinions, I've just been reminded, are ignored unless they fall directly into a very narrow description of my job. We've spent over three months making a decision about video games, which is now being overturned by teenagers. So, yeah, I'm a little upset that teenagers have more clout that I do, even though their arguments are the exact same arguments I made for 3 weeks in February...and was overruled.
This morning has been as close to hell as I've been in a very long time. And I've bitched and moaned and cried so many times this year that I don't feel like there is anyone I can talk to. The only thing keeping me going at this point is stubbornness. Otherwise, I'd've gone home and started drinking.
Even church isn't a refuge anymore.
In sum: I don't feel good (I'm not even sure I'd recognize 100% health if it bit me in the ass), I hate my husband, my 13-year-old is the most annoying child I know, my coworkers suck, I can't talk to my family about this because they'd just tell me to stop whining, and I can' t think of any friends whose patience I haven't already worn thin this year.
I either need a really long vacation, a retreat, or a gun.
Things are so bad now that anything at all sets me off, and I've trained my husband to be just as much of a bitch to me as I am to him. So we seem to constantly be strained with one another.
Last night I was so furious with him that I actually went to bed wishing him bad dreams and unrestful sleep. He was awful. Today I was cordial with him and that's all. And I've spent the entire morning feeling like shit even though I'm still angry with him.
And the people at work? My opinions, I've just been reminded, are ignored unless they fall directly into a very narrow description of my job. We've spent over three months making a decision about video games, which is now being overturned by teenagers. So, yeah, I'm a little upset that teenagers have more clout that I do, even though their arguments are the exact same arguments I made for 3 weeks in February...and was overruled.
This morning has been as close to hell as I've been in a very long time. And I've bitched and moaned and cried so many times this year that I don't feel like there is anyone I can talk to. The only thing keeping me going at this point is stubbornness. Otherwise, I'd've gone home and started drinking.
Even church isn't a refuge anymore.
In sum: I don't feel good (I'm not even sure I'd recognize 100% health if it bit me in the ass), I hate my husband, my 13-year-old is the most annoying child I know, my coworkers suck, I can't talk to my family about this because they'd just tell me to stop whining, and I can' t think of any friends whose patience I haven't already worn thin this year.
I either need a really long vacation, a retreat, or a gun.
posted by Cat. at 9:31 AM
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